Happy Birthday Blog!

My blog is officially one year old today. Aren't you so excited? (yeah, me neither) In honor of this auspicious day, here's one of my favorite Victor Borge routines.




And if you feel like it, here's the other half

Just Call Me Donna Reed

I cook gourmet dinners with nothing but green Jell-O and instant mashed potatoes; I vacuum in high heels and pearls; I crochet my own toilet paper out of dryer lint. I am a modern, frugal woman!

Actually, I'm more like Donna Reed's less famous, lazier little sister. We do have green Jell-O and instant mashed potatoes, but it tastes pretty gross; when I do vacuum, I'm usually wearing pajamas; and we only use dryer lint if I forget to buy TP, which is sadly frequently.* BUT, I do have some nifty products I have discovered by being the mommy of a small child. These things have made my life easier and slightly less embarrassing because at least I can say I am clever by discovering them.

1.) Chucks, also known as underpads. I love these things. They're normally used in hospitals or nursing homes to keep beds/sheets clean in case of accidents or oozy wounds. I use them as disposable changing pads. They're huge (like 2 feet by 3 feet) so little cutie never has to touch one of those nasty changing tables at Wal-Mart. Plus, if the changing table at Wal-Mart is broken, which it always is, you can just use the floor! Plus plus if cutie decides to go potty mid-diaper change, you can just throw the thing away. Plus plus plus they have a plastic backing so any mess doesn't soak through to whatever is underneath (ie: grandma's bed). Plus plus plus plus they're like $5 for 20 of them and you can get them at Wal-Mart or Target.

2.) Bag Balm. In ancient days of yore when people got their milk from the family cow instead of the grocery store, the poor cows used to get chapped udders sometimes from all that milking (ouch!) Bag Balm was invented to be used like cow chapstick to help Bossy feel better. But it's modern times, and I use it as diaper rash cream. It comes in pints or in little travel size tins and it sticks to sore red bums better than regular diaper cream. I switched when baby Katherine had a diaper rash for over a week that was so icky, it was actually oozing. Some lady at the check-out heard me lamenting to the cashier about Katherine's persistent rash and told me about it. Two days later, the diaper rash from H-E- double toothpicks was gone and Katherine had a nice, happy heinie again. This lovely product can be bought at pharmacies like Rite Aid or probably Wal-Mart/Target, but you gotta ask the pharmacist. For some weird reason, they keep it behind the counter.

3.) Zout. This is the most amazing stain remover I have ever used. It gets pretty much everything out. It has only failed me once, when Casey got dry erase marker on his shirt (your guess is as good as mine how he managed that one, seeing as how the marker was on his back). It gets yucky, orange baby poop out perfectly, although it does need a couple of washings sometimes. I have even used it to get old stains out, you know the ones that you don't notice until your shirt has gone through the dryer. I have also successfully used this to clean cat poop stains out of my carpet. I have only ever found this stuff at Target, but it's not expensive, so good news!

So, I may not be Donna Reed or Martha Stewart or even Mrs. Jones down the street who makes the best snickerdoodles and has a gorgeous lawn, but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve and I can live with that.

* I'm actually kidding about all this, except the vacuuming thing.

Baby Wants Salt

I cannot seem to get enough sodium, which is completely weird for me. I am a chocoholic, so I would say that I have a sweet/fat tooth rather than a salt tooth. Normally, I have to fight the urge to snag a candy bar at the grocery store checkout. Normally, I can walk down the deli meat/cheese/chip aisle at the grocery store and just just buy meat and cheese, but no longer. It takes all the will power I have to not load up on Ranch Doritos and Salt and Vinegar Lays (just typing that is making me drool...man, I have problems). I blame this recent phenomenon on the child currently doing the backstroke inside me.

It started shortly before Christmas when I had an overpowering craving for....wait for it.....vegetable juice. Yuck, right? But I drove to the store and bought a can of V8, and let me tell you, it was the most heavenly thing I have ever tasted. They didn't have anything but the spicy variety, but I didn't care. I just chugged it down and followed it up with a bunch of Tums. Since then, I have been buying 64 oz bottles of vegetable juice and enjoying every drop. I figured I just wasn't getting enough of some vitamin, but apparently vegetable juice is quite high in salt (20% of your daily sodium allowance in ONE glass).

Then came the other salty cravings: pickles, chips, ummm, well that's it really. Pickles and chips and V8. There was even a day when Casey bought a bag of kettle chips to see what they were like and I ate half the bag (that's like 9 million percent of my sodium for the day) in one sitting. And then there were the imported Mexican chili-flavored tortilla chips that Casey found at a Mexican market...and again I completely pigged out (Tums is making a killing off of me, I swear.)

I think I'm giving myself hypertension and that I'm destined for self-induced preeclampsia (which, for those of you who don't know is a condition in pregnancy characterized by elevated blood pressure and can be harmful to you and your unborn baby). But here I am, typing away and drinking a lovely glass of vegetable juice and contemplating a pickle to go with it. I very much hope that my salty preferences will go away once Baby Brother gets here. In the mean time, my chocolate tooth is still as active as always so I am extra-avoiding the chocolate covered pretzels because I might just die.

PS: If you're thinking of getting me something for the impending birth of my son and don't have a budget that allows for toys or clothes, you can just get me some pickles or a bag of Ruffles.