Yesterday, I was trying to write a grocery list. I thought that I would do this while the kids were eating lunch. They'd both be distracted and in the same room. But I was not successful in writing a grocery list. This is what happened instead:
The local grocery store does not send us a weekly ad. I do not know why. The grocery stores from 15 miles around send us ads, but the one down the street doesn't. So if I want to look at the ad for this store I have to look it up online and that means I am not in the same room as my kids.
I set up the kids with plates of yummy, luscious, artificially-colored macaroni and cheese, a favorite in our house. I locate a piece of paper and a pen and sit down at the computer. I manage to write "Groceries" at the top of the paper and then I hear, "Mah! Mah! Mamamamamamamama!!!" This is Logan asking for more macaroni. I set the paper down and get him more macaroni. I come back to the computer. I hear, "Mom!! I want summore!" I sigh, get up and go back to get Katherine summore macaroni, but she doesn't want macaroni. She wants water. So I get her the water. This pattern continues, Logan, Katherine, Logan, Katherine, until finally I unplug the computer and bring it into the dining room and just pray I don't get mac 'n cheese on the keys. Now suddenly they're done. Logan starts yelling and flinging macaroni at the ground and somehow manages to get it in his hair. He doesn't even have hair in the usual sense, just peach fuzz, but the macaroni sticks anyway and I see cheese sauce in his ear. Lunch is officially over and all I have accomplished is to write "Groceries" on a piece of paper and walk around a lot. Three hours later (I'm not lying) the grocery list is finished and we head to the store. We barely beat Daddy home and Logan is MAD because he needs a nap. Sorry, dude. I know you need a nap, but we all need to eat, so learn to make some sacrifices for the Greater Good and you can have an extra-long nap tomorrow.....maybe.
When I have experiences like this, which is pretty much every day, I think of these experts on the Today show and Oprah and other shows who say that stay-at-home moms should take some "me time" and go to a spa or read a book or take a nap or go out to lunch with friends. This is supposed to recharge your motherly batteries and allow you to face the macaroni grenades with a smile. To that I say, "Hah! If you were actually an expert, you wouldn't say things like that! Don't you know that 'Me Time' is a myth and searching for it will only lead to heartache and sorrow?!?"
I used to believe in "Me Time." I used to watch for it, wait for it, but it never came....EVER. I tried what the experts say I should do and "carve out" Me Time from my schedule. Well, I am here to tell you that that does not really work. If I have this Me Time during the day people suffer and we either don't eat or are naked because I selfishly read a book and therefore failed to buy groceries and do laundry. Or worse, somebody ends up needing stitches because he (yes, it's the "he" child that does this) climbed on something and I wasn't there to pull him off.
If I have Me Time and my husband babysits, that's not a guarantee that it will turn out well then either. I love my husband dearly and he is an excellent father and jungle gym. But he is not used to the constant noise, cat-harassing, and general shenanigans around here because he has a job and talks to grown-ups all day who don't throw food or pee on the bathmat when they're six inches from the toilet. He hasn't developed that stay-at-home parent filter to know what to just let go and what needs attention. Mostly I think this filter is just plain-old-ordinary exhaustion and I can only muster up the energy to deal with the really important (ie: someone is going to die if I don't intervene) things. So, being a dutiful father who loves his kids, he tries to keep everyone out of everything and it makes everyone angry and tired. But seriously folks, most of the time I come home and find the children asleep and my husband in a good-ish mood.
But I don't feel like it's fair for me to disappear and leave my husband to watch the kids anytime I feel burned-out, because that would be pretty much every day and I'd never see him. And anyway, I like spending time with my husband. In fact, I find that spending time with this man who is really too good for me is an excellent way to recuperate from the day. So instead, I have reconciled myself to the fact that Me Time will happen once the kids are in college. And do you know what I am going to do with my first legitimate Me Time? I'm going to write a grocery list!
OK, but what you really need is a babysitter. Or a drop-in place where the kids can get care. Because you deserve to do things in peace once in awhile.
ReplyDeleteAlso I like that you referred to your children as Macaroni Grenades.
To me, the main lesson of the "me time" idea is that it's okay now and then to do the "selfish" thing and let one of the important-but-not-deadly-urgent things slide for another day so that you can do something that you want. I mean, kids do sleep now and then, or dads take them to the park, or something, and then you have to decide: do I finally mop the insanely filthy kitchen floor, or do I... (a thousand appealing possibilities flit through your head). I think the moral is that occasionally it's okay to go with the latter. Sometimes you do go through longish periods where it doesn't seem to happen; for example, when you've got a newborn or a teething toddler or whatever, you can go through periods in which virtually every available opportunity to sleep must be seized, and all other non-essential activities just go on the back burner. But I think the thing is, you don't want to totally forget the Me Time ideal, because if you do, you may get so locked into "on" mode that you'll go for years without letting yourself read a novel, and then have to go through a 10-step program to learn to relax again. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, one more thing. I understand that time with husbands is also precious, but they do need to be left solely in charge of kids sometimes, just to give them some insight into what our lives are like.
That is too funny!!! That is what I am going to do, when the kids are all gone I will have some "Me time" I agree with you!!! Thanks for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteperhaps by the time you actually get the me time - you will to to old and too tired to remember what it was you wanted to do! Love this! Been there!
ReplyDeleteI agree about the babysitter- me time can be date time too!! I also don't think there is harm in occasionally setting the kids up with a movie or episode of Sesame Street while you read for half an hour or something...
ReplyDeleteDo you have a YMCA nearby? Perhaps your me-time could be swimming laps or taking a class while your kids play in the Kids Care area.
I agree with Rachel too- dads need to sometimes be left with the kids. Otherwise they just don't get how amazing we are :-)
Good luck!
PS- I don't get much me-time (hardly any, in fact). But I insist on some, occasionally. Like to sew a project, or go to ward choir practice, or whatever. Sometimes I get it in the evening after the kids go to bed, and I decide that watching Survivor is way more important to MY survival than washing the dishes or doing laundry. :-)
ReplyDeleteokay...is there anything good about having kids? Please tell me because all I've heard the past five times I've heard anything about parenting is how awful they are.
ReplyDelete