Antidepressants, Anyone?

So my emotions have been all over the place, which is normal when you're cooking a baby in your oven. Everything is either hilarious or so sad I cry for hours. I feel like a crazy person and poor Katherine must think her mom hates her because she leaves her shoes on the floor and then I flip out.

I saw a commercial a month or so ago (before we told anyone we were having a baby, which is why I'm telling this story now) and it made me cry. Not just a quick sniff and a teary moment, but I was completely blubbering. This commercial is on all the channels practically all the time, so whenever I see it, I have to change the channel. Anyway, Katherine saw me and my fire hose impression and she came over to console me. She put her little hand on my knee and looked purposefully into my eyes. "It's all right, Mommy. Cymbalta can help, because 'pression hurts."

You know, she DOES want to be a doctor when she grows up, so she's on the right track I guess.

10 things you probably don't know about me

10.) I am allergic to squid.

9.) I'm named after my dad.

8.) I am a compulsive msn games player. Love that Bubble Town!

7.) I am not left-handed, oh wait, yes I am! So that also means I kick, bat, throw, crochet and open pickle jars left-handed, too.

6.)I am (very slowly) writing a novel. I have seven pages!

5.) I eat cranberry sauce straight out of the can, even when it's not Thanksgiving.

4.)I only have one dental filling. That single cavity was a souvenir of my pregnancy with Katherine.

3.)I can't curl my tongue.

2.)I have a toe ring that I've worn for 10 years. I even have a ring-shaped dent in my toe.

1.) I am pregnant! Baby number two is due May 2010. Surprise!

Discipline

So, this morning Katherine wonked her head on the wall and (this is a shock to nobody) was unhappy about it. After she calmed down enough for me to understand what she was saying...

Kirsten: So, what happened?

Katherine: The wall bite me!

Kirsten: The wall bit you? Wow that's serious. What should we do? (At this point I was expecting a response like, she wanted a hug or wanted to go play or something.)

Katherine: Wall needs a time out! (then she started waggling her finger at the offending bit of wall)

I think the wall might still be in time out. Katherine is a strict parent.

Compassion

Yesterday, Casey had a long day at school and so he called to let us know he'd be home late. I was putting dinner in the oven so I switched on the speaker phone and handed it to Katherine so she could tell Daddy about her day while I was finishing up. Somewhere along the line, Katherine dropped the phone on the rug. She seemed quite flustered and hollered into the phone, "Daddy, are you ok?" It's nice to know that she worries for her father's comfort when she drops him on the floor.

For the Benefit of Katherine's Aunt

In all its festive glory, I now present to you, Katherine's pumpkin-carving experience and her Halloween costume. She's dressed as Thumbelina or as she likes to call it, "Bumblebee-nah."

Silly me, I forgot to buy a candle for the jack-o-lantern, so I used my "Tropical Breeze" scented candle. So trick-or-treating at my house was an aromatherapy experience! Too bad we didn't get any trick-or-treaters. More chocolate eyeballs for me, I guess.

I am SOOOOOO old

Well folks, as of three weeks ago, I am the parent of a three-year old. For some reason, in my mind age three is the end of toddler-hood and marks the beginning of childhood. I have mixed feelings over this birthday. On the one hand, Katherine now mostly understands me and it able to carry on a conversation (except when it's time to clean up and she suddenly doesn't speak English anymore). It's also a lot more fun to buy birthday and Christmas presents for her. Baby toys are just not as fun to shop for as Barbies and Legos. But on the other hand, my cute sweet little baby is getting that much closer to adulthood and that makes me old. And on the other other hand, it's frustrating because she ought to be using a toilet by now, which is another post entirely.

But even though Katherine is a child and doesn't really resemble a baby anymore, I have decided that I'm not going to change the nicknames I have for her. I am calling Katherine "my baby" until one of us dies. She's just going to have to deal with it.

I looked out the window....

More of Katherine's repertoire

That's right. She's saying, "Popcorn popping on the K-Mart tree"

Why did I film her in the hallway, you ask? It just so happens that the acoustics are the best in the hallway. Actually, it's the only part of the house not currently covered in a fine mist of toys.

Katherine says

So, we all went to Best Buy last night and found ourselves browsing in the TV department. (We're not in the market for TV. We were doing some research for Casey's sister, who needs a laptop. Anyway...) Katherine went up to the counter in that department and started talking to one of the blue-shirt guys.

Katherine: I looking for something.

Blue-Shirt Guy: What are you looking for?

Katherine: I want a hamburger and a small fry.

Grammer Lesson: Singular Vs. Plural

We were eating chicken and rice for dinner the other night and Katherine decided to exercise some of her newly-acquired grammatical knowledge.

Casey: Would you like some ice in your water?

Katherine: No, thank you. I just want one eye.

Later that same meal....

Kirsten: Katherine, what are you doing? (she slid off her chair and was rooting around on the floor)

Katherine: I looking for a rie.

Casey and Kirsten: A rie?

Katherine: I found it! (she holds up a single grain of rice)

One of THE stupidest things people can do

Last weekend Casey and Katherine and I drove down to visit one of my college friends and meet her husband and cute daughter. It's about a 45 minute drive from our house to hers. Casey was driving so I had the opportunity to gaze aimlessly out the window. I was shocked to see a man driving in the lane next to us, texting and (kind of) driving. Moron was in the car with his toddler in the car seat behind him. I wanted to roll down my window and tell that man to grow a brain.

I must say that texting and driving is almost the stupidest thing any human being can do. I think swimming in shark-infested waters with a gash on your arm is dumber, but only just. You are 23 times more likely to get in a car accident if you are texting and driving than if you're just plain old driving. Not 23 percent more likely, 23 times more likely.

I saw a piece on the news today that said the fine where I live for texting and driving is $750 (the fine gets higher and includes jail time if you cause an accident). Clearly it is not enough. I mean, there is always going to be a group of people who do whatever they want with no regard to the people around them, but I would think a father who drives a minivan with his baby in the backseat would not be in that group. It angers me to no end that otherwise intelligent people leave their brains in the driveway when they get in the car.

I don't think that guy thought to himself, "Let's see what reckless thing I can do today to endanger the life of my son and me and all these other drivers." He was probably thinking, "Gosh, I forgot to tell my wife that I'm on my way home. I should text her." There was also probably that little voice in his head that told him, "Gee Bill. Maybe you shouldn't do that. Maybe you should focus on the road. The traffic is pretty bad," but that one got ignored. That is the problem. The voice of responsibility and self-preservation gets ignored a lot, especially where cars are involved. If people listened to it more, you wouldn't have people eating and driving with their knees (I was in the car while someone did that and I honestly thought I was going to die), or applying mascara while driving.

Then there's the excuse I have heard about multitasking. There are lots of people who think they can multitask, but guess what? You can't actually do it! TONS of studies out there by reputable universities show that normal humans can not "multitask". In the official Kirsten Dictionary, the word "multitask" really means "a fictional ability that people believe they have wherein they can do two focused tasks at the same time." Your brain can only REALLY focus on one thing at a time. When you're trying unsuccessfully to do two things at once, it's called attention blindness. If you're texting--even if you're NOT looking at the phone--your brain is still focused on what you are typing and not that semi truck who just changed lanes in front of you.

If you or someone you know texts and drives, please refer them to this YouTube video. I didn't post it here because it's really graphic (like seriously graphic. Don't watch it if blood or slow motion whiplash bothers you). The clip is a portion of a CNN broadcast. I haven't seen the whole 30 minute video, but this short portion gets the point across pretty clearly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVQVkwKVs8Q

And by the way, if you are one of my friends who texts and drives, just do us both a favor and don't ever tell me. I don't want to lose my respect for you. And stop doing it, k?

Food should always look like food

Yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend and I took Katherine. We had a lovely time and Katherine (for once) ate pretty well. Part of her little kids' meal included a "dirt cup" for dessert. I got all excited when I found out she'd get one of these things because a) they're really good and b) I thought Katherine would think the crunched up cookies with gummy worms would be funny.

The waitress brought out the dirt cup and played up the fact that it's dirt that you get to eat. I was getting into it too, only to discover that Katherine's eyes were welling up with tears. What the heck?? She thought I was trying to force-feed her real dirt! I took a bite to show her that it wasn't actual dirt, but when I offered her a taste, she screamed, "No!!!! I don't want eat a dirt! Yuck!" followed by more crying.

I learned two things yesterday: Mimi's makes a very tasty dirt cup (which I thoroughly enjoyed) and where Katherine is concerned, food should always look like food. We'll just have to be extra careful at Halloween with all those eyeball jawbreakers and stuff. I don't really want to think about Katherine's reaction then *shudders*

The Five Stages of Grief...I mean getting out of bed

I am not a morning person. I have a REALLY hard time getting up before about 7:30am and most of the time I'd like to sleep until 9:00. This past week Casey and Katherine and I all went to visit Grandma and Grandpa, which is an eight-hour drive (or more precisely, an eleven-hour drive if you have a two-year-old) from where we live. We were heading back here on Monday and decided to get up bright and early so we could get back as early as possible. We set the alarm for 6:00am, which my college friend Annie used to refer to as the "butt-crack" of dawn. At least I think it was Annie. I don't want to slander anyone here.

As the alarm went off and I lay there contemplating alarm clock murder, I was struck with an epiphany. When becoming involuntarily conscious we go through the 5 steps of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Denial: "The alarm is NOT going off. It's not there. I'm covering my head with the pillow and it will go away."

Anger: "Why do I have to get up so *&%# early?? Who's stupid idea was this?" (it was actually mine, so I had no one to blame there....poo.)

Bargaining: "Ooh! I'll just hit the snooze alarm....about 40 more times. That'll buy me more sleep."

Depression: *sad groaning noises*

Acceptance: "All right, all right! I'm up!"

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross really knew what she was talking about. It even says on Wikipedia that the five stages model is a "process by which people allegedly deal with grief and tragedy..." And to me, there is nothing more tragic than being forced out of my nice cozy bed before I'm ready.



PS: In no way am I trying to be hurtful to people who are actually going through real loss, disease, etc. I'm not that mean.

My New Favorite Sport

Welcome to the Place Where Words Come Alive

So, I have a brilliant child. There's no denying it. Katherine is fabulously smart and I have PBS to thank for it. She loves those "learn to read" shows like "Super Why!" and "Word World." Word World is actually one of her favorites. The premise is that all the characters in the show are built out of letters and all the props--trees, fences, houses, you name it--are also built of letters. Each episode they teach a reading principle, e.g. S-H makes the sound "Shhh." And at some point during the episode they build a word with letters they acquire from somewhere (the post office? letters...post office, get it? haha I'm SO funny!) and the letters magically become whatever it is that they spelled.

The other night, Katherine saw a bug flying around the house and decided she wanted to catch it. She said she needed a net and a few minutes later came up to me with her bucket full of foam letters which we have been using to teach her the alphabet and phoenics. We spelled the word "net" together and Katherine began squishing the letters together. It took me a minute before I realized that she was trying to build a word the way they do on "Word World." She was getting so frustrated that her little foam letters wouldn't turn into an actual net. It was really funny watching her annoyance and confusion and I earned myself lots of mommy bonus points for not laughing at her. What a funny kid!

Fun with Uncle Brent

My sister and her husband came for a visit this weekend. Katherine absolutely adores them and this is a video of her and Brent playing some sort of weird toddler game that Katherine calls "Doink." On a side note, Katherine voluntarily sat on the potty TWICE and without a diaper while they were here. Still no pee though.......

My Halfway-through-the-year Resolution

Lately I have been feeling kind of unhappy with my appearance. I never really worried about what I looked like until after Katherine was born. I gained a few pounds after she was born and then I gained a few more and a few more. Now, I have a distinctive "muffin top" when I wear certain clingy shirts and I feel generally bloopy.

Several months ago, I decided I would quit eating junk food of any kind and that would help me get back to where I was 3-ish years ago. Ha ha.....that so did not work. Because I was restricting myself, I wanted the junk food that much more and many packages of Oreos disappeared as a result. I should have known that it is impossible for me to survive without some sort of refined sugar every day. Anyway, this led to the purchase of a recumbent bike last week and now is part of our overly-crowded bedroom decor.

For the last week and a half I have been "biking" every day--except Sunday--for about 20 minutes. "Biking" is in quotes because real biking involves the outdoors and moving along the ground. I do not pretend to be involved in any sort of sport here, just an attempt to avoid high cholesterol, high blood pressure and big pants. The 20 minutes is because that is the approximate length of an episode of Scrubs or the Simpsons or some other sitcom that I check out from the library and watch while I "bike."

It's oddly fun. I get to be gross and sweaty in my own house, so no one else is burdened with my stinky moistness. I get to pedal this thing and watch the calories add up on the little computer dealie, like some sort of weird game. Just 5 more minutes and I get 200 points! Woo! I get to catch up on old shows I never watched when they were on. Incidentally, King of Queens is actually funny. Go figure.

So, I am sharing this with you all so that I have some sort of accountability. I have a bad habit of not starting good habits very easily. There was one time that I wanted to get into jogging, which lasted all of three days. Now, I am posting my attempts at physical fitness for all the cyber-world to see and I have invested some money on this bike. Hopefully these two things will keep me going so that I don't end up with a very expensive clothing rack that looks suspiciously like exercise equipment in the bedroom. So, if you know me and trust that I won't punch you if you examine my midsection, please feel free to ask me (or Casey, since he's doing this too, but he doesn't have a blog) how it's going. But please none of that Pillsbury Doughboy tummy poking. I seriously will punch you.

Pottygate Update

Katherine voluntarily sat on her potty today, without a diaper! She did sit on the very edge of the seat so only the tiniest possible bit of her bottom was on the thing, and she didn't use the potty, but still I will count that as a victory. Potty Training: 1 Katherine: 800

Move Over Susan Boyle...

For those of you who don't speak Two Year Old, she is singing "Once Upon a Dream" from Disney's Sleeping Beauty. Her repertoire also includes a number of selections from Sound of Music, Mary Poppins and other Disney animated films. If Katherine cooperates, some of those may make it on here too.

A side note about the state of the background. When Katherine was born, Casey kindly donated his office to her so she could have a bedroom. Now, all his math stuff and the old unclaimed tests of past students (which he is required by law to keep for some number of years) is crammed into a corner of our bedroom. Like Hermione Granger's hair, this portion of the house will not yield to any amount of grooming, cleaning or organizing. But hopefully in a year or so, he'll graduate and find a wonderful job. Then with all the wonderful money from the wonderful job, we can buy a bigger wonderful place so I can have my bedroom back.

Pottygate

There comes a time in the life of every parent when they stop and think, "You know, I am REALLY tired of changing diapers. Let's get this kid potty trained." For me, that day came shortly after I got home from the hospital.

So, I waited 2 1/2 years and then I went out and bought the arsenal of potty training supplies: the Disney Princess step stool, the Sesame Street potty seat toilet insert, the potty itself, and the stickers....lots and lots of stickers. The idea was that I would bribe Katherine to sit on the potty and give her a sticker. Gradually, I'd become stricter about sticker distribution and require her to sit on the potty without a diaper and eventually get her to go to the bathroom. I had this whole thing planned out in my head, but of course, things never go according to plan.

First of all, Katherine was terrified of the potty seat and wouldn't sit on it, no matter how many prismatic fishy stickers I offered her. Then, a week or so later she tried to go potty on the step stool. Luckily she forgot to remove her diaper, so I was saved from cleaning up an icky mess. Then, a few days after that she decided that the potty was doing nobody any good in the bathroom and tried to move it to the living room and go potty while she watched TV.

It is now two months later and Katherine still has not successfully used the potty. She will not voluntarily sit on any toilet-related items in our house unless she is fully clothed. However, the potty is her favorite conversational subject. Whenever Grandma calls and talks to Katherine, it's all about mommy and daddy's bathroom habits or about how Elmo uses the potty (we've also been checking out potty movies and books from the library). She even tricked her nursery leader into thinking she had to use the bathroom. They got to the bathroom only to have Katherine balk at the sight of the toilets.

So, I have decided to wait. The potty is in the bathroom; the stickers are sitting in the kitchen, and eventually Katherine will decide that she wants to use them. I just hope I have it in me to wait with her.

Sesame Street has two new characters

Katherine enjoys Sesame Street and pointed out two of her favorite muppets to me the other day: Burps and Hernie. Only time will tell if the Sesame Street creators add any more characters to their "Digestion is Neat!" line.

Advertising works....

Katherine, my 2 1/2 year-old, has learned a new word...Lipitor. This is the latest in a string of slogans and brand names that she has picked up through TV. Her other newly-acquired words/slogans include "Moving Forward" (Toyota's catch phrase), "Eat Fresh" (Subway), "Wah-mert" (Wal-Mart), "Berdonalls" (McDonald's) and Nasonex (she can't actually say that one, but she recognizes the cartoon bee).

We don't have cable or satellite and most of the TV she does watch is the educational stuff on PBS. PBS is virtually commercial-free, so these words must have crept into her vocabulary while I was watching the news or Thursday night TV. I can't imagine what things would be like if she regularly watched other kid channels with all their toy commercials.

So, congratulations American marketing execs! You have convinced my toddler that she needs to reduce her cholesterol after she has eaten at "Berdonalls" while driving her Toyota and shopping at "Wah-mert." I, however, am still not convinced. I prefer Target and plain old Benadryl...and I drive a Chevy.

And incidentally, Katherine also knows all her letters, upper case and lower case and can count to 13, so I'm not a terrible parent. I just happen to be the mother of a sponge.

Yep, I have a blog

So, I decided to start a blog. I'm not going to pretend this is a family blog. This blog is all about me, my opinions on stuff and photos of my gorgeous family (you wish your family was as gorgeous as mine).

I reserve the right to ramble, be weird, especially if I'm blogging late and night, and misspell words if I feel like it. I also reserve the right to use punctuation incorrectly (particularly semicolons because who actually knows what those are for?) and use words that aren't actually words. In my family, we call that "verbifying", which is funny because that's not a word either. And finally, I reserve the right to have passionate opinions about stuff that doesn't really matter, like why people shouldn't wear pajamas in public.

So, now that I have set up my ground rules, have fun reading my blog...or not.